I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
