Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
