WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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