the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
