im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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