Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
