Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
