I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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