saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am midnight drunk by noon
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
