I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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