How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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