Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
