Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
