I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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