I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
