when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize