do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
