I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize