I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
