Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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