the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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