Soap is not a condiment
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
