You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
