I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
