theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
