remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Boobs are out for the taking
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
