i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
