I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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