is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
