one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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