i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
