The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
