I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
