i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
