He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's