You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
