brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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