I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
