sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president