Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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