STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
