I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
