Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
