so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
