i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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