i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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