actually, I'm a sock model
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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