My friends, they love my intelligence
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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