Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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