i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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