I met the friendliest cop last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You are a genius and a whore.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
