i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
