i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
