last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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