I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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