I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
