you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
