shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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