listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
