You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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