I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
