she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please don't give away my fajitas
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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