he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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