I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
