just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
