dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
