Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We got so high we made milksteak
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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