Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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