Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
