I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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