We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
