I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
