Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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