I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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