I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize