Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
