Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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